You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
