Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just cropdusted the office
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
