I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
