you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
