you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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