I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
