Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
