Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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