Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
