I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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