just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
