my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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