I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
