I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
