I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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