My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
