Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
