and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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