so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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