Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
