Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
