My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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