Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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