i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
