Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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