fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
