Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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