Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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