I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This is classic penis vs brain.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Randomize
