What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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