Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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