The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
