I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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