My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
