i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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