Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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