Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
