I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
