I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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