So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
