Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
