I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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