Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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