So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
