Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Randomize
