so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
