love makes seman taste better
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I fill condoms, not promises.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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