so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were destined to go to rehab together
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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