Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
