Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
